


oh she is poetry (and you are art)

by JollytheSad



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Poetry, Polyamory, also it's pretty much shit, anya just cannot do feelings right that little shit, i never ever write chaptered stuff so this is kind of an accident
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-15
Updated: 2016-06-28
Packaged: 2018-07-15 07:10:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7212823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JollytheSad/pseuds/JollytheSad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anya and Lexa have a long history when Lexa meets Clarke. It gets complicated. Feelings always are, after all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea where I'm going with this RIP. I'm kinda stuck so I figured I'd post what I have and then eventually think something up. 
> 
> inspired by [this](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6837793/chapters/15607642)

Her relationship with Anya is one of those where you ask: what are we? Are we best friends? Are we in a relationship? Is this just fucking? Is it anything at all?

Lexa usually settles on: we're _Something_.

*

It's been raining all day.

Lexa is sitting on a windowsill in Anya's apartment, mug of tea in her lap. She's listening to the tireless _tap tap tap_ of raindrops and the rustling of pages from the couch.

"What are you reading?" she asks as she leans her forehead on the cold glass.

"Bukowski."

"Is he any good?"

"You tell me."

There's a pause, Lexa hears her flip through pages, and then:

" _I want to_  
_let her know_  
_though_  
_that all the nights_  
_sleeping  
_beside her__

 _even the useless_  
_arguments_  
were things  
ever splendid 

_and the hard_  
words  
_I ever fear to_  
 _say_  
 _can now be_  
 _said:_

 _I love  
you._ "

Lexa turns her head to look at Anya, meets her eyes. "I don't know."

The girl chuckles as she puts the book down.

"Me neither." With that she gets up and heads out of the living room.

Lexa takes a sip of her tea before asking: "Where are you going?"

"To bed." Anya turns to look at her. "You coming?"

Oh, she definitely _will be_ coming.

 

*

She meets Clarke one November night. Anya is down south to visit her family that weekend and Lexa's hands are cold as she's not there to hold them.

It's Raven who drags her there, promising great time and alcohol. It's the alcohol that makes her say yes to the offer.

Lexa sits on someone's porch, looking over someone's garden, shitty beer in hand. There's a distant hum of music coming from behind her. She doesn't hear the steps. She starts when someone flops on the porch beside her, and almost spills the beer.

"Hey," the girl says. Her blonde hair is a mess, her cheeks blushed and she doesn't seem to be cold in her tank top.

Lexa doesn't stare at her chest.

"Hey."

"I'm Clarke," the girls smiles. It makes her eyes light up.

"Lexa."

They clink their bottles of beer instead of shaking hands.

"What are you doing out here?" Clarke asks.

Lexa thinks something about _never shuts up_ but doesn't roll her eyes.

"My friend Raven dragged me out here, then proceeded to go make out with some girl," she sighs.

Clarke laughs. "That little shit."

"She's my best friend," Clarke explains, prompted by Lexa's raised eyebrows.

"She sucks." Lexa finishes her beer and sets the bottle on the porch.

"Someone's grumpy."

Lexa gives Clarke her best _well no shit_ face.

"Come dance with me."

She doesn't think twice. She goes.

 

She ends up with Clarke's number and an awful hangover.

 

*

"There's a girl," she says, sitting on Anya's windowsill, mug in her lap. Snow is falling behind the window.

"A pretty girl, I assume."

"She's very pretty."

Anya studies her from her spot on the couch and Lexa doesn't meet her eyes.

"What's the problem?" she asks.

 _You_ , Lexa doesn't say.

"It's complicated," she says instead.

"Feelings are always complicated."

Lexa drowns all the words on the tip of her tongue with tea.

 

*

She goes out with Clarke a few times and it's great. Clarke is wonderful, smart and perceptive, with great taste in art and terrible one in music. When Lexa tells her that, her laugh is bright. Lexa thinks she could fall in love with her.

Her first kiss of the new year is with Clarke. The second with a bottle of vodka and the third with a toilet seat.

 

*

The day she and Clarke make their relationship official Lexa winds up wasted at Anya's front door.

"What the fuck," Anya snarls instead of a greeting.

"Hello to you too."

"It's four in the morning, Lexa. I was sleeping."

Two strong hands pull her up from the cold floor and Lexa sighs in relief. It was starting to be a little uncomfortable.

"Couldn't sleep."

She's seated on a couch. Not much later there's a glass of water in her hand.

"So you decided to get shitfaced and then come wake me up?" Anya questions. "Drink."

Lexa complies. The water is cold and she can feel it in her chest.

"It's Clarke," she whispers once the glass is empty.

Anya sits down on the coffee table. "What about her?"

"I really like her."

Anya's soft, warm hand comes up to Lexa face and strokes away the unruly hair. "That doesn't sound like a problem."

When Lexa gains the courage to look Anya in the eyes, her own teary.

"I really like you, too."

"Oh Lexa..." she takes her pretty face in her hands and presses her lips to Lexa's forehead.

Lexa's sobbing fills the quiet of the room.

"I love you, kid," Anya says after the silence has lasted for ever, "but you have to work this out on your own."

"You do?" Lexa looks up at her with big, startled eyes.

"Of course I do. That's why I need you to-" _let me go_ "- talk to Clarke."

Lexa nods as more tears fall down her cheeks.

*

When she wakes up she knows Anya's is gone.

There's a bucket by the couch that she hopefully won't need, a glass of water, painkillers, and a sheet of paper. On it, there's a poem.

 _If I never see you again_  
_I will always carry you_  
 _inside_  
 _outside_

_on my fingertips  
and at brain edges_

_and in centers_   
_centers_   
_of what I am of_   
_what remains._

_Charles Bukowski_

Lexa lets out a short laugh that sounds more bitter than anything else. She texts Anya "sap". Then reads the note below the poem that simply says:

_Lock on your way out_

 

*

She spends the next few days alone, overthinking. Trying to make sense out of what she's feeling.

She catches herself smiling whenever she thinks of Clarke. Reading her texts brings inexplicable joy and Lexa loves it. She thinks that that's right. That's how she's supposed to be feeling. Warm and fuzzy and happy.

Anya feels like home. They have many years behind themselves, many fights, tears and blood spilled. Whatever relationship that they have, it is important to Lexa. There's the sex, too, though that came later. And Lexa can do without it, quite frankly. It's Anya's presence in her life that matters the most.

With a sigh Lexa gets up from her bed, grabs her coat and keys, and leaves the dorm.

 

She finds Clarke in the campus art studio. Her blonde hair is up in a bun and her tank top no longer white but rather a mix of colours. There are paint streaks all over her skin. It's just so endearing that Lexa can't help herself.

She blurts out: "I think I'm in love with you."

"Lexa!" Clarke starts. "You scared the shit out of me."

But there's a smile on her lips anyway.

"I'm sorry," Lexa mumbles towards her shoes.

"So... you think you're in love with me?" Clarke's tone is teasing but her eyes are kind.

"Yeah."

Clarke keeps on looking and looking at her, and then: "I'm sensing a 'but' here."

Lexa sighs and wishes this could be easy.

"I think I might be in love with Anya, too."

"Oh Lexa..."

Clarke opens her arms and Lexa slips into her embrace like it's her second nature.

"That's exactly what Anya said," she remarks bitterly.

"Thank you for being honest with me," Clarke mutters against her temple. "We're going to figure it out."


	2. two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke says it first.
> 
> Lexa and Anya have words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I'm going to be posting what I have every time I'm stuck

Lexa doesn't pick up Anya's calls. She plunges into school work and when she's not in the library, she's out with her camera. Sometimes Clarke tags along. These pictures go on the wall in Lexa's dorm room. 

*

**[unknown number] 9:14 pm** : is Lexa ok?  
 **[unknown number] 9:15 pm** : this is Anya by the way

**Clarke 9:17 pm** : how did you get my number?   
**Clarke 9:18 pm** : she's doing fine

**Anya 9:20 pm** : Raven gave it to me  
 **Anya 9:20 pm** : good. 

 

*

Lexa lies on Clarke's couch, her head in Clarke's lap. Fresh air of early spring is filtering through open windows. The only sound in the room is the rustling of pages and cheery singing of the birds outside. 

"Lexa?" 

"Yeah?" she hums as she looks up at Clarke. 

"I love you." 

Lexa blinks a few times before a wide grin spreads on her lips. 

"I love you, too." 

Clarke smiles back at her, fingers running through wild brown hair. 

"You should go see Anya," she says after taking a quick breath. 

Lexa's grin is gone as quickly as it's appeared. 

"I know," she sighs. "I know." 

 

*

She always rings the bell twice. 

"Hey kid." 

If Anya is surprised, it doesn't show. 

"Hey," Lexa says, crossing her arms in front of her chest. 

Anya looks at her for a while. "Missed ya." 

Lexa nods and invites herself in. 

As she breaths in a lungful of the scent of Anya's place, she gets overwhelmed with the intensity of it all. The comfort, the familiarity, the feeling of finally coming _home_. Anya has her hair down, glasses perched on her nose, wearing a sweater she bought for Lexa. 

Lexa sits on the kitchen counter. 

"How's it going with Clarke?" Anya asks while she's pouring tea into Lexa's mug. 

"She said she loves me." 

Anya hums and Lexa wraps her hands around the warm cup. 

"Anya, look at me." 

Warm brown eyes flick up and meet hers, and Lexa gets momentarily lost. 

"Do you still love me?" 

"Lexa," Anya sighs, looking away. "I can't do this." 

"Do you love me, Anya?" 

"I do," she whispers. "I do! But I _can't_ do this. Feelings only get you hurt. You know that, Lexa. Don't you remember-" 

It's soft but resolute " _don't_ " that stops Anya right there. 

"I was there. When she left. I don't want to be the person to put you in that kind of pain."

Lexa is quiet and still, watching Anya with unreadable expression. 

"Don't you worry about Clarke being the one?" 

"She loves you, Lexa." 

Lexa scoffs. "So did Costia." 

She hops off the counter, leaving the tea untouched. It's gone cold anyway. Before she leaves, she turns to look at Anya. 

"I missed you too." 

And then she's gone. 

 

*

Clarke meets Anya on the first of April and it really feels like a joke.

She just goes out to buy a coffee and the barista looks familiar, though Clarke is sure she doesn't know her. Her name tag says Anya. 

After placing her order, she asks: "I'm sorry, do you happen to know Lexa Woods?" 

The woman looks up, eyes sharp, lips forming a thin line. "I do." 

Clarke smiles a introduces herself. "I'm Clarke Griffin." 

"The girlfriend," Anya nods. "Nice to meet you." 

 

Later that day, with Lexa curled up in her lap, her face hidden in the crook of Clarke's neck because she likes to pretend she's small like that, she places a kiss on top of her head. 

"I've met Anya today." 

Lexa hums into her skin. 

"She's tough. But she has very kind eyes." 

"Could we not talk about her?" Lexa wonders in a small voice. 

"We could not talk about anything." 

Clarke smiles, a bit lazy, a bit dangerous, before kissing her long and dirty. 

"Gosh, I really love you," mutters Lexa into her lips. 

*

**Anya 10:16 am** : meet me in the café today?  
 **Anya 10:18 am** : my treat. 

**Clarke 10:35 am** : when? 

**Anya 10:48 am** : 5 ? 

**Clarke 10:57 am** : see u there


	3. three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls recall falling in love.

It becomes a _thing_. Clarke and Anya go out for coffee once a week. Lexa knows, of course, but she politely declines every invitation. She does crash at Anya’s place once or twice, carefully avoiding the elephant in the room.

It’s nice to have a routine. To fall back into old habits - or create new ones in Clarke’s case. Some things have changed, inevitably, some have not. Lexa’s feelings, for instance, have not. 

*

“What took you so long to realize you were in love with Anya?” Raven wonders, blunt as ever. Lexa thinks that if it were anyone else asking, she’d punch them.

She stays quiet for a long while. “I think… that it came so gradually I didn't realize at that time. And then the feeling's been there so long that it just became normal, you know?"

"What made you realize?" Raven asks next.

Lexa smiles. "Clarke." 

 

*

Clarke can tell you the exact moment she has fallen for Lexa. 

It was their fourth date, out in the park. Lexa has taken her camera for the first time, happily snapping pictures of the trees, the sky and her. She had this wonderful smile plastered to her face as she blabbered about the perfect light and wonderful colours post-sunset. It was all so entirely endearing that Clarke can’t imagine _not_ falling in love with Lexa right then. 

Clarke can’t possibly pinpoint the moment she’s fallen for Anya.

* 

"Hey," Clarke starts but then she giggles and forgets what she wanted to say next.

"Hey what?" Anya cocks an eyebrow, smiling. 

"Wait. I forgot." 

Anya's laugh rings in her ears as they sit on the floor of Anya's apartment, back leaning onto the entrance door. 

"Oh! Hey," she repeats, then starts giggling again.

" _What_." 

"When did you know you loved Lexa?" 

Anya stops laughing and takes a swig from the bottle of booze they've bought on the way. She's not entirely sure what she's drinking, she just knows it _burns_ going down. 

"When she was eighteen. She broke a dude's nose because he spoke to me in a "bad manner". I was twenty one and perfectly capable of defending myself, by the way," she mentions so that Clarke's clear. Clarke nods. "But she just... flung herself on him. He was like two times bigger and three times heavier than her." 

Clarke snickers. "God that must've been hilarious." 

Anya nods. "It kinda was." 

"So that's like... four years, huh?" Clarke reaches out for the bottle. 

Anya just hums a yes as she passes it over. 

After swallowing a mouthful of alcohol, Clarke jokes: "I hope you won't wait that long to tell me you love me." And though she aims for light-hearted, it comes out with an undertone of serious. 

Anya looks into her eyes and says nothing. For a long minute she just keeps on looking at the face of her best friend's girlfriend. Of her love's love. _What kind of a fucking telenovela is my life?_ she thinks. 

"No," she says after forever. "I won't." 

 

The kiss tastes of alcohol and memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> notice how the chapters after the first one are like really short? lol.  
> tell me how bad this is [here](http://imaginejolls.tumblr.com/)


	4. four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everybody is happy in the end.

It goes like this:

Clarke tells her first. But that's after stumbling into her dorm room at 6am, completely wasted, and sleeping away the horrible hangover. After, she sits on Lexa's desk, devouring a bowl of cereal while soft evening light makes her hair look gold.

After swallowing a spoonful, she gets Lexa's attention with a quiet: "Lex?"

She looks up from her homework, corners of her mouth lifting immediately at the sight of her girlfriend.

"Yes?"

"Anya and I kissed."

Lexa blinks. Then: "Oh."

She's silent for a minute to take in the new information.

"Okay," she nods after that.

"I was thinking..." Clarke starts, scooping another spoon of cereal, "maybe you'd like to- If you'd want to-" There's a sigh before another attempt to express herself correctly. "If you still feel the same way about Anya, that maybe we could all... date. Each other."

Lexa hums thoughtfully, processing this whole thing carefully.

"Do you think Anya would want to?" she asks.

Clarke gives her a little smile which she kisses away.

"That's your part of the job. Go find out."

Lexa chuckles. "Leaving the hardest to me, how typical, Griffin."

"Oh you love me," the girl grins, and Lexa nods.

"Yeah. I do."

*

Lexa thinks the safest way is to text Anya. But before she manages to gather all her courage, her phones buzzes twice.

 **Anya 8:32 pm** : i kissed ur girl & i liked it  
**Anya 8:33 pm** : also i miss kissing u

 **Lexa 8:35 pm** : Are you still drunk?  
**Lexa 8:36 pm** : And you're 8 years late with that reference  
**Lexa 8:40 pm** : Also we were wondering if maybe you'd want to be our girl?

 **Anya 8:42 pm** : u always had better taste in music

 

*

They start out slow. Easing their way into this whole new thing. Over all, it doesn't feel _that_ much different. Really things are they way they were before with some exceptions here and there. Such as: waking up sandwiched between two bodies. Not having a free hand because you're holding both of theirs. Twice as many kisses.

 

Shit gets real when they get matching tattoos. It's six months into their relationship and honestly it's the grossest couple-y thing Anya's ever done (or so she claims). They get unfinished infinity symbol with three dots leading up to the point where the lines would meet. Lexa has it on the back of her neck, Clarke on the inside of her right wrist, and Anya on the left side of her rib cage.

"That a friendship thing?" the tattoo artists asks. Lexa gives a little startled nod, and after it's all over they laugh the whole ride home.

"Seems like we are officially gal pals," Clarke snorts in the back seat.

"Seems like we are," Anya grins from the passenger seat in the front.

Lexa just tries to breath steadily so they don't crash and die, but there's a smile on her lips and she thinks she's never been happier.

 

They come to Anya's apartment, which has became their home, giddy and kind of high on their happiness. There's Clarke's easel next to the windowsill on which Lexa always sits, her art on the wall behind TV. A sketch of all three of them is on the fridge, right under a poem.

 _we must_  
_we must bring_  
 _our own light_  
 _to the_  
 _darkness_

_Charles Bukowski_

And Lexa smiles every time she sees it because their light is Clarke and they have found it. They are happy and in love and it's insane. Some days she can't believe this is her life. That it's real. But then Anya cuddles her in her sleep and Clarke snores lightly behind her, and it all reminds her that it is. It's real and it's happening.

Lexa doesn't know what she's done to deserve this, but she thanks to anyone up there that's made it possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't know if it's rushed but the ending came to my mind as i was falling asleep yesterday and it seemed perfect at that time. The girls are happy and in love, and what more would I want. 
> 
> if you have any thoughts or comments, they are appreciated either below this fic, or my [ askbox on tumblr](http://imaginejolls.tumblr.com/) is open


End file.
